December 14, 2009

Hail and Merry Yuletide Misrule: The "Bust a Nut" Sorcerous Working

Just in time for the Holy Yuletide season, I have come to share this tiny, fun sorcerous technique of aggression sublimation in a brotherly spirit of help and cheer. This little working is easy to use, and very effective on many psychic levels.

I am a great fan of walnuts- they are my favorite nuts- and this time of year seems to bring them out in huge bags at the market. I always keep a bag around the house, and an earthenware bowl piled high. I have this big black stone that I keep near the bowl (I can never seem to keep up with nutcrackers) and so I use that stone to smash the nuts open.

Living in the world that we do, any person of even partial world-awareness will become familiar with the countless people that they just don't want to be around, or even to share their world with. You know the types- those strange people who think that anyone but them is destined for an eternal hell; those oddballs who think that birth control is somehow evil, and feel the need to stop people in other countries who badly need it from getting it by subscribing to "abstinence only" programs, thus directly creating death and misery from thousands of more transmissions of STD's and thousands and millions more unwanted pregnancies.

You know them! Remember those odd people who think that it's okay to immigrate into prosperous Western countries from eastern toilets and take advantage of Western liberties, while seeking to overthrow those same liberties? Or those famous, bizarre people who think that there's somehow really only one God, and that thousands of years of animistic and polytheistic civilizations before ours were hopelessly misguided, superstitious and demonic? Stop grinning- YOU KNOW who I'm talking about. You've seen them all over.

Open your heart, now, in the spirit of this season, and embrace the troubles these people bring to us all. Really see the misery that they author. That human misery is your misery, too.

The Yuletide always brings the very best of these nithing fools out, for most of the people you don't want anywhere near you or your family will tend to get on TV or in the local papers screaming about "Keeping Christ in Christmas" or some such. While we're bringing trees into our houses and continuing on our ancient tree-worship, eating the traditional Yule-boar in the form of a Ham, and waiting for a generous and jolly miracle man (who flies through the air all around the world drawn by animals, has elf-helpers, and comes from the cold north) and other such ancient Christian practices and beliefs, let's take time to realize how irrelevant our Heathen ancestors are to this time.

As these frustrations and special holiday joys build, we may reach a point where we need a little release. And this, my friends in the Dark Season, is why Wyrd the Mighty, working hand-in-hand with Great Nature, gave us walnuts!

The next time you realize just how much you wish Eastern extremists didn't exist, or Western fundies (or the patriarchal, woman-repressing, gay-hating, and plurality-denying philosophies that made these people possible in the first place) or the next time you have to endure Republicans on the television set, or even certain Democrats, or the scores of other people that make you ashamed to be human, get a walnut and your own big stone.

Place the walnut on the table before you on a wooden cutting board carved well with signs of wrath and chastisement, and visualize that knobby brown thing not as a walnut, but the head of one of these people who have worked so hard to spoil your world and destroy the sense, reason, and joy that is natural to mankind. You have to slip into the role here, get into the visualization of it.

I find that it helps if you imagine the (presumably confused) new "face" on the walnut-head looking around in a slightly disoriented way, before fear of you- standing over it with a stone- creeps into its wide little eyes. Oh, the helplessness of the little demon tumor!

Then smash the hell out of it with your stone. Smack it a few times; get pieces of shell flying across the table. That's not walnut shell! It's skull fragment! Freshly flown, warm with life fading! Funny thing- a walnut's insides (the delicious part you eat) looks squiggly and sorta like a brain. I like to give a good cackle of laughter when I'm done, and sometimes while I'm smashing away- it's good to slip into the mirth of this time of year.

You can feel free to embellish this minor little Holiday technique all you like- some people (like myself) sometimes make a small container of ember-hallowed water with a pinch of salt, and baptize the little walnut-heads in the name of the person or group they are intending to smash the life out of, before they proceed to the gnashing, cackling, and crushing. A little ceremony never hurt this seasonal fun!

The final part of the operation is, of course, to consume the brains of your defeated foes. This is important, as you absorb their power into yourself. No longer can they use it to unsettle and punish our world under the force of their thoughtless ignorance; now, it passes into you, in a gore-smeared Yuletide feast of busted nuts, so that you can transmute it into the simple goodness and peace that our world really desires. Sorcery can be so very uplifting, if one simply understands the beauty and simplicity of the entire process. The power of the Yuletide season helps in these sorts of workings.

I now make this small working of Mirth and Misrule my gift, in this hallowed time, to you. I share it with my children on these silent and holy nights; I hope you will pass it on to yours.

A very glad Yule-tide to you all, and lasting woe betide those whose faces or group-spirit you conjure into the Walnuts from the nut-brown bowl this night!

Sincerely, Your RA


  1. Not only are walnuts great to eat, medical research shows that they also have health benefits such as reducing cholestrol.

  2. You are awful - but I like it, really, I love a good violent fantasy.
    Its Litha on this side of the world but a happy Yule to you.